This is beautiful.
But what I'm talking about...not so much.
You know what I mean.
That monster that overtakes Ms. Hyde.
That civil war that rages internally.
The black cloud overhead, pressing down on your sweet shoulders, heavy.
(Don’t run fellas. Stay and listen. You might learn something about the ladies you love...)
We all have our own cycles. Men and women. (If you think men don’t have their hormonal ups and downs, think again.) Where we get messed up is in the bucking of those cycles. We are made to ebb and flow with the earth, the seasons, the stars, and the moon. But we rarely do. In a combination of human arrogance, societal pressure to perform, and a disconnect from nature, and therefore our bodies, we push. We push hard.
So when we hit that hormonal volcano, we’re screwed. We have to work, go to school, tend to children, carry on with our lives, all with this excruciating condition.
We can't take a day off and we can't fall apart on the job, so how do we get through?
First, give thanks to your beautiful body.
Thank it for being strong enough to weather these trying times, for it’s ability to cleanse itself, and most of all, for the creation energy. The life-giving force. This doesn’t always mean making babies. We nurture and birth our art, our work, ideas that begin as tiny little beings, then grow into beautiful energies and tangible gifts we offer to the world.
Next...prepare for battle.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to plan ahead, way before the beast is unleashed.
Here, my sweet loves, is a Survival Guide:
Salt. No way around it, we crave salt like a mofo, don't we?
Simple. Kale chips.
Make a giant batch of these babies well ahead of time. They are super-easy to make, delicious, good for you, and a fraction of the cost of buying them. This version omits the nuts, keeping both calories and costs down. You may want to make more than one batch, 'cause I am telling you, they are addictive.
- 1 bunch of organic kale
- 5-6 tablespoons virgin olive oil
- 4-5 tablespoons gluten free tamari, depending how salty tasting you like them
- Nutritional yeast. Just pour on top and mix with tongs until leaves are coated. The more you add, the cheesier it will be...mmmm!
Remove stem from kale and place in a bowl. Tear large pieces of kale, as they shrink a bit when baked or dehydrated.
Pour the olive oil on top and mix with tongs until leaves are coated. Add the tamari and mix again. Add nutritional yeast and and mix again.
If you have a dehydrator, awesome.
Dehydrate 3 or more hours at 105–110 degrees until crispy like a potato chip.
If you don't own one, it's no big deal. I haven't made that existential leap yet, either.
Simply set your oven to the lowest possible temperature. We're trying to keep these raw, so ideally we stay under 118 F. You can crack your oven door open too, that helps. If you get above that temperature, it's okay. They won't be technically raw, but still a hell of a lot healthier than any other salty nibble out there.
Sweet. Yessss. I am going to tell you to eat chocolate. As long as it's from Sacred Chocolate. Raw, vegan, pure, and created with love by the Cacao God himself. (And yes, I do believe he is a God, having created chocolate as an offering to the Goddess. It's the only sensible explanation.)
BUT...there's also something else I want to share with you.
Bananas and walnuts.
Bananas are a PMS superfood. Fact. Loaded with potassium, zinc, iron, folic acid, calcium, vitamin B6 and fiber, they have been called nature's perfect food. They may also be a perfect food for menstrual health. Bananas help relieve digestive problems, and replenish nutrients lost during our cycles. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood majorly. If that weren't enough, bananas are rich in iron, which produces seratonin, which regulates mood.
Now pair that with walnuts, which are anti-inflammatory, and full of manganese, which helps to alleviate PMS symptoms...and what do you get?
Uh-huh. It is SO damned good...
Bombshell Banana Bread
- 3 extra ripe Bananas (mashed)
- ¼ cup coconut oil, melted
- ¼ cup Maple Syrup
- 2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
- 2 flaxseed “eggs”-(mix 1 Tbsp flax meal + 3 Tbsp. water, let it set about 10 minutes, whisk with fork)
- 2 dropperfuls vanilla liquid stevia
- 1 1/4 cup all-purpose gf baking flour
- 2 teaspoons Baking Powder
- 1 teaspoon organic Cinnamon...at least
- 1/2 cup of crushed chamomile flowers
- 1 cup walnut pieces
Preheat the oven to 350 (F)
- Grease up a loaf pan w/oilve oil
- In a medium-large bowl mix all the wet ingredients well
- In a small bowl mix the dry ingredients
- Stir the dry ingredients into the wet, mix until most of the lumps are gone
- Pour the batter into the loaf pan
- Bake for about 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean (the top should be nicely golden)
- Allow to cool completely.
You can totally freeze this! Which makes it a teeny bit easier to eat just one slice at a time. Okay, maybe two...
I added in the chamomile for Kitchen Witchery. These delicate flowers have long been used in magical workings for protection and purification, both of which are needed at this time. They also act as a diuretic, eliminating extra fluids from the body. Best of all, their warm scent calms and adds a delicious note to the flavor of the bread.
Spirits. That's right. I'm going to tell you to indulge in a little brew. Red wine or gin, specifically, which have both been known to alleviate cramps, while relaxing your stressed-out spirit. Red wine contains resveratrol, a polyphenol, which acts as a muscle relaxant. The juniper berries in gin are anti-inflammatory and help to flush fluids from the body. Of course, you could drink juniper tea, but this is much more fun. Just keep it to a minimum, and you'll feel fine.
Banish The Bloat A few surefire ways to minimize all that extra fluid: Natural water pills (found in your health food store-only take one per day,) water and chamomile tea, and eating lots of celery.
Baths Settle into a good hot soak every night, adding some lavender oil and Celtic sea salt. When you emerge, rub your lower abdomen (keep going, lower...) with Clary Sage Oil from ContessaCreate to help alleviate your cramps. Now get some extra sleep, gorgeous. You'll feel better soon.
Mood Stabilizers Supplements that have anti-depressant qualities: Cat's Claw (herb), 5HTP (amino acid), L-Tryptophan (amino acid.) Incidentally, Tryptophan won't make you sleepy, as the old story goes, usually in relation to Thanksgiving turkey consumption. In fact, it is the food/simple carb overload that makes people pass out on the couch after that holiday dinner.
Fashion Fixes Have a few go-to get ups for puffy days, like an easy empire or A-line dress paired with great boots, chic little tunics, anything that gives you room to breathe, but still looks sexy and polished.
Take the time for bright nails, pretty hair, makeup, foxy accessories...and don't forget scent.
Now...breathe, drop your shoulders, get through the week imagining how hot and amazing you will look and feel when this is over.
Remember to say you're sorry to everyone you've snapped at.
Be extra sweet.
(As soon as you're able.)