The Way To His Heart

I know there are men out there who cook. 

Whatcha whipping up for me?

Whatcha whipping up for me?

Men with heightened palates,

tending to culinary details,

rhapsodizing over precious ingredients,

passionately understanding the subtle complexities of a fabulous meal...

Cuisine Man, you make me swoon.

To you, delightful creatures, I place upon your altar heirloom tomatoes, truffle oil, shitake mushrooms, and an exquisite little bowl of lavender sorbet.

I love that you exist.

There is, however, a more common species out there.

Sooo cute, but a disaster in restaurants.

Sooo cute, but a disaster in restaurants.

Yep, that's him.

Junk Food Guy.

Adorable and beloved, he's in your life.

Maybe he's your fella, your best friend, your father, or your brother...

but you know him.

Hell, he may even be YOU!

He loves all things processed, sugar-laden, covered in salt.

Often all at once, usually while watching The Game, or standing up at the kitchen counter, with a quick lean-over-the-sink-when-it-drips manuver. Animal friends love this guy. He drops crumbs like manna from heaven, and he's got the good shit...none of that health food business...

(It must be noted that, in reality, cats love clean food. Because they're cool. Pedro has been known to jump up onto the table and eat salad right off my plate. But I digress...)

Point is, Junk Food Guy has absolutely no interest is cuisine, per se. 

In all likelihood, he's been raised on Cheez-Wiz and Hostess products, and while he may enjoy a higher level of dining from time to time, when it comes down to it, the lightly braised artichoke hearts in a white wine reduction just doesn't do it for him. 

We try, of course….and this, ladies, is our fatal mistake.

The way to woo this fella is with fun food.

Food that makes his eyes big as teacups, and his smile irresistable.

So, because these guys do in fact rock our world,

I'm going to be conjuring recipes right up their bowling alleys.

I may even do it wearing a hockey jersey.

(In heels, of course.)

First contestant?

Pizza!

Oh, this is sooo good! Just wait until you sink your teeth in...

I've got a super-quickie, madly healthy flax crust, thin and crispy, and covered in flavor.

The genius is that it hits all the notes for Junk Food Guy (particularly when oozing over with melty vegan cheese), while remaining a most presentable dish for all the Cuisine Guys and Culinary Dames in your life. 

I kept this version a teeny bit on the fancy side, but it was still adored, wolfed down, and requested again by  a diehard lover of "real" pizza. Yesss!!!

Pizza Provocateur

For the crust:

  • ¾ cup organic ground flax meal
  • 1/2 C nutritional yeast
  • 1 tsp. baking powder
  • ½ tsp. Celtic salt
  • 2 flax "eggs"
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • ¼ cup water

For the adornment:

  • 1 C prepared organic marinara sauce, or your own homemade
  • 1.5 C artichoke hearts, chopped
  • 1/2 C Moroccan oil cured olives, chopped
  • 1/2 C unsalted sun dried tomatoes, chopped
  • fresh basil or oregano

First, make your flax "eggs": Whisk 2 tablespoons ground flax meal into 6 tablespoons of pure water, and set aside.

While they're setting, preheat your oven to 425F, and line a baking sheet with lightly oiled parchment paper.

Now, combine all crust ingredients in a large bowl, and stir with a fork. Let it sit for five minutes, then spread it out on the parchment paper, flattening with a spatula until it's thin and about 12" round.

Pop it in the oven for 15 minutes.

Take it out, flip it over, spread the marinara sauce over it in a thin layer, and add your toppings.

Bake another 10 minutes, but keep an eye on it. The edges can get overly done if you don't watch it.

Take it out, let it rest a few minutes, then slice and devour!

Although the crust doesn't attempt to resemble dough crust, it has a delicious flavor and a nice crispiness, with the added benefits of vegan omega 3 oils, and absolutely no bloating or digestion issues. You'll feel full and satisfied without any heaviness. It's awesome. And no rolling, rising, or resting needed as in a trad dough...so go ahead and make it often! It reheats beautifully.

I like to make this for a party, too. Just press it into a rectangle rather than a circle, and cut small bites for everyone to nibble on. I made another last night with fresh tomatoes, sweet peppers, and vegan cheese...mmm-mmmm!

And now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a game to...ahem...interrupt...

xxx Alise

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