Tipping the (Red) Velvet

Perhaps you've heard the expression, "Tipping the velvet..."

Those naughty Victorians.

They came up with it.

Repression being the mother of invention, I suppose.

It really does conjure up an image of something wonderfully sensual.

"What is it?" you ask?

I'll let this vintage illustration provide the answer...


And this was the least explicit depiction I could find for you,

but certainly not the most beguiling.

She really doesn't look so enthralled,

but I'll say that's quite a way to embrace your...art.


Which brings us 'round to Venus' Day.

I couldn't think of anything possibly cheekier for you, my Dirty Things

than a Red Velvet Tart,

in honor of the day, and night

so full of sexual rapture...



Isn't it pretty? Wait 'til you taste...

Isn't it pretty? Wait 'til you taste...

Tipping The Red Velvet Tart

Makes two tarts. Feel free to double the recipe.

For the Crust:

  • 1-1/2 C raw almonds, soaked for 2 hours, drained and rinsed
  • 1/4 C coconut or avocado oil
  • 1 Tbsp raw coconut nectar

For the Red Velvet Filling:

  • 1 large super-ripe avocado
  • 1/4 C raw, unsweetened cacao powder
  • 1/4 C full-fat coconut milk
  • 1 tsp Madagascar vanilla powder or extract
  • 4 Tbsp pure maple syrup
  • 1 Tbsp beet powder or crystals
  • 1 tsp organic pure chocolate extract

For the Adornment:

  • 1 pt fresh organic raspberries

Lovers, this is almost too easy. You have to gather a few oddball ingredients, like the beet powder and the chocolate extract, but it is sooo worth it. This tart is seduction in its purest form: lush, rich, decadent and deep chocolate, ripe, lusty raspberries, positively tingling with beauty fats, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. Guilt? Never heard of it. 

Pure pleasure. Our kind of night.

You will find the beet powder or crystals in your fave health food store. It's pricey, but can be used to your advantage in shake elixirs for a naturally sweet flavor, a gorgeous color, and all the myriad health benefits of beets, such as fighting inflammation (the root of all ills), detoxification (awesome for your belly and skin), and boosting your stamina, to name a few. I especially like them paired with strawberries and a little vanilla.

You can, of course, swap the maple syrup for stevia or raw coconut nectar if you have candida, diabetes, or an intense sugar sensitivity. But if you can, use the maple. Paired with chocolate, it's nothing short of a religious experience.

I don't love a ton of crust, and this recipe makes a good amount of it, so my advice would be to just create a thin layer in each tart pan, which will give you four crusts. Pop two in the freezer for future dessert ecstasy. I promise you I have much in store for you, my Darlings.

But for now, it's time to begin our love ritual...

Start with music. Anything that makes you feel slinky.

Place a red candle inside a beautiful bowl or tray, adding herbs, flowers, stones, lingerie...whatever feels good to you and conjures up visions of sensuality, love, and feverish erotic encounters, should you so desire. Create your altar. Some suggestions? Sprinkle rose petals, jasmine flowers, carefully place a vanilla bean, a rose quartz (to open the heart to receiving love), a rhodocrosite (for loving ourselves), and perhaps a saucy little personal item to add extra sizzle.

Visualize, feel, breathe deeply, lower your shoulders and hold your head high. Invite Aphrodite and Inanna into your sacred space. Keep going. Are you there? Whisper your your prayers, light the candle, and get ready to channel your Kitchen Witch super-powers.

So, first pulse your almonds in a food processor or high-speed blender until it becomes fine and crumbly. Add in the coconut nectar, and the oil, and give it another blast. (Either oil is purrfect, it just depends on your taste preference. If you don't love coconut with your chocolate, then use the avocado oil, it will simply taste buttery.)

Spoon out a heaping tablespoon for each tart pan, and press around with your fingers to get an even layer on the bottom and up the sides. Set them in the fridge while you make the filling.

Ohhh...the filling. Wait for it.

Cream the avocado in a high speed blender until it is very, very smooth. Now add in the rest of the ingredients, blend well, and...you're done. It's that easy. But don't let its simplicity veil you: this is powerful stuff. Avocados are ruled by Venus, and have long been revered for their beauty and love magick. And chocolate, no less. The manifestation of edible elemental fire so key in giving and receiving love.

Go ahead, give it a little lick. *ahem*

Spoon the filling into the tart shells. Arrange the raspberries in a circular pattern, even more of a Venusian love charge for adding the last touch of sparkle, like jewelry, to your spell. And don't forget to give thanks to your cosmic cohorts and fruits of the Earth.

Leave them in the fridge until you're ready to serve and devour. I cannot promise that you won't end up on the floor, writhing in ecstacy...

Oh, you deserve this one...

Savour it.

xxx Alise


A Temple Dancer's Feast

Tracing cosmic patterns with our bodies,

bringing energy forth form the center of Earth herself,

and releasing it into the stars...

Mmmmm, yeah...

Undulate on over here,

and taste the delights of Inanna's table.

Divine Falafel

For the Falafel:

  • 1 C fava (broad) beans, soaked overnight, rinsed and drained
  • 1 C garbanzo beans (chick peas), soaked overnight, rinsed and drained
  • 3 tsp ground cumin
  • 2 tsp ground coriander
  • 1 red chili, seeded and chopped (you can substitute green if you can't find red)
  • 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
  • 1/2 C fresh cilantro, finely chopped
  • 1 C fresh flat leaf parsley, finely chopped 
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • Olive oil (first cold press preferred)

For the Sauce (not pictured-oops!):

  • 1/4-1/2 C tahini
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • Pinch of ground cayenne or hot paprika
  • Spring water as needed
  • Celtic salt and fresh ground pepper

First, blast the soaked beans in a food processor or high speed blender until they are finely ground. I couldn't find dried favas, so I used canned. (Rinse them well!)

Now add in the dried spices, and give it another blast.

Add in the chili, garlic, and fresh herbs. Whizz it all until it forms a smooth, almost paste-like texture. Add a "bump-n-grind" (pinch of salt and grind of pepper), and place it all in a large bowl. Sprinkle in the baking soda, mix it all through with your hands (wheee!) and let it rest for 15 minutes.

(Go have a stretch and a little shimmy. When you're done, they will be ready.)

Wet your naughty little fingers, then begin shaping the mixture into small spheres. 

Here, you can either bake them, or sauté  in a large pan. I prefer them in the pan. Why? They're juicier. And, yes, a bit higher in fat BUT it's a healthy fat, so, who cares? If you're more comfortable baking them, simply heat your oven to 350F, lay them out on baking sheets, cover with foil, and bake for 15 minutes. Take them out, and allow them to brown, turning once, for about 15-20 minutes or until golden.

If you're using the pan, spiral some olive oil in, then heat it on a medium flame. I usually heat oil very slowly, but in this case I would raise it a little, so they cook quickly and stay crispy. Toss in as many falafel as you can fit, then give them a nice sauté, rolling them around so they brown on all sides. I flattened them out with a spatula so they would cook faster (I was starving), but keeping them in spheres will keep the insides moister.

While they dance for you, make the sauce. Just whisk all the ingredients together, adding water as needed to thin the mixture to your liking. 

When they are done (of course, you must taste one, or four, to see if they are ready), transfer them to a plate and eat them immediately! Yes, they will keep, but honestly straight from the pan they are outrageously good!

And that succulent little salad gently illuminated in the back, there?

Souk Salad

  • 1/2 head organic red cabbage, sliced then chopped
  • 1 organic carrot, shredded
  • 1/4 C tahini
  • 1 C flat leaf parsley, chopped
  • 1/2 C fresh mint, chopped
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • Seeds of 1/2 pomegranate
  • sprinkle of Celtic salt
  • A few grinds of fresh pepper

Just mix it all together in a large bowl, Loves! That's really it! An incredibly crisp, fresh-tasting, delicious salad that can easily include some cooked quinoa if you want to make it a meal unto itself. I wanted to add some black sesame seeds...but couldn't find any...(sniff)...

So, though falafel is traditionally eaten with pickles, or nestled into pita, sometimes with yogurt, I have made this offering light and super clean, nibbling on the figs and grapes to start, then after a spell the salad for optimum digestion, and last the gorgeous falafel with tahini sauce.  I wish you could jump through the screen and share this with me!

The fragrance, the textures, the flavors...total foodgasm.

Have a beautiful day, Beasties.

Undulate with me, yes?

xxx Alise



Belle Of The Balls

Witch Balls. Crystal Balls. These are some serious balls.

But I am not at all serious right now. 

It is SO hard to write a title with the word balls in it without sounding like a giggling 12-year old.  

Forgive me. I’ve had a hell of a week.

And I know many of you have too, because you’ve told me.

I do have a little secret to share with you. It’s an energy shot just when you need it.

Yes! Energy Balls. Bliss Balls. Whatever you want to call them.

They deliver a much needed boost to both mental and physical mojo during that late-afternoon crash when you’re dyyyying for something sweet. Instead of hitting the baked goods, arm yourself with these babies.

Mind you, my darlings, these are not your average ones. Oh, I’ve done the cranberry and raisin thing. And they’re fine. But let’s elevate these to a Goddess-level, shall we?

Time for some Kitchen Witchery.

Let's create our great balls of fire with smoldering, ancient spices. How about cardamom, whose Venusian crushed seeds exude the scent love and sex, and has long been used in magic to promote both. Mmm? Sound delicious already?

Then a little nutmeg, to amp up our psychic awareness, and a dash of cloves for prosperity...and what else...hmmm...

Let's add even more amour to the mix, with beautiful apples...considered naughty way before the bible, baby. Pagan Norse priests were said to have been forbidden to eat them, due to their lustful properties.

And figs! Figs. The most sensual fruit imaginable since the beginning of life on this planet.

Alright, let's do this. 

Cardamom Fig Power Balls

  • 1 C gluten free oats
  • 1 Tbsp organic almond butter
  • 4-5 organic Turkish figs, chopped
  • 1/2 C dried organic apple, chopped
  • 1 tsp cardamom
  • Organic nutmeg, cloves, & cinnamon
  • Pure water

Pulse oats, almond butter, figs, apples, & cardamom in a food processor or high-speed blender. Add a few generous pinches of both nutmeg and cloves, then add tiny amounts of water as you continue to blend until the mixture begins to look like a dough consistency, clumping toward the center. You want it to be sticky. 

Now get in there with your hands and form little balls, all the while sending energy of love, sensuality, power, and awareness into them. 

In a small bowl, pour a bit of cinnamon. Roll the balls in there to coat.

This makes 12 bite sized treats, but you can easily double and triple the recipe, as they keep in the refrigerator for about a week, and will freeze well.

Imagine Inanna in all her sexed-out Sumarian awesomeness nibbling on what we've just created? Place them in a gorgeous bowl or goblet, and offer them to her, and all the Goddesses who guide you every single day. 

Now take your Goddess ass out into the world and show 'em who's Queen...

xxx Alise