Tipping the (Red) Velvet

Perhaps you've heard the expression, "Tipping the velvet..."

Those naughty Victorians.

They came up with it.

Repression being the mother of invention, I suppose.

It really does conjure up an image of something wonderfully sensual.

"What is it?" you ask?

I'll let this vintage illustration provide the answer...


And this was the least explicit depiction I could find for you,

but certainly not the most beguiling.

She really doesn't look so enthralled,

but I'll say that's quite a way to embrace your...art.


Which brings us 'round to Venus' Day.

I couldn't think of anything possibly cheekier for you, my Dirty Things

than a Red Velvet Tart,

in honor of the day, and night

so full of sexual rapture...



Isn't it pretty? Wait 'til you taste...

Isn't it pretty? Wait 'til you taste...

Tipping The Red Velvet Tart

Makes two tarts. Feel free to double the recipe.

For the Crust:

  • 1-1/2 C raw almonds, soaked for 2 hours, drained and rinsed
  • 1/4 C coconut or avocado oil
  • 1 Tbsp raw coconut nectar

For the Red Velvet Filling:

  • 1 large super-ripe avocado
  • 1/4 C raw, unsweetened cacao powder
  • 1/4 C full-fat coconut milk
  • 1 tsp Madagascar vanilla powder or extract
  • 4 Tbsp pure maple syrup
  • 1 Tbsp beet powder or crystals
  • 1 tsp organic pure chocolate extract

For the Adornment:

  • 1 pt fresh organic raspberries

Lovers, this is almost too easy. You have to gather a few oddball ingredients, like the beet powder and the chocolate extract, but it is sooo worth it. This tart is seduction in its purest form: lush, rich, decadent and deep chocolate, ripe, lusty raspberries, positively tingling with beauty fats, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. Guilt? Never heard of it. 

Pure pleasure. Our kind of night.

You will find the beet powder or crystals in your fave health food store. It's pricey, but can be used to your advantage in shake elixirs for a naturally sweet flavor, a gorgeous color, and all the myriad health benefits of beets, such as fighting inflammation (the root of all ills), detoxification (awesome for your belly and skin), and boosting your stamina, to name a few. I especially like them paired with strawberries and a little vanilla.

You can, of course, swap the maple syrup for stevia or raw coconut nectar if you have candida, diabetes, or an intense sugar sensitivity. But if you can, use the maple. Paired with chocolate, it's nothing short of a religious experience.

I don't love a ton of crust, and this recipe makes a good amount of it, so my advice would be to just create a thin layer in each tart pan, which will give you four crusts. Pop two in the freezer for future dessert ecstasy. I promise you I have much in store for you, my Darlings.

But for now, it's time to begin our love ritual...

Start with music. Anything that makes you feel slinky.

Place a red candle inside a beautiful bowl or tray, adding herbs, flowers, stones, lingerie...whatever feels good to you and conjures up visions of sensuality, love, and feverish erotic encounters, should you so desire. Create your altar. Some suggestions? Sprinkle rose petals, jasmine flowers, carefully place a vanilla bean, a rose quartz (to open the heart to receiving love), a rhodocrosite (for loving ourselves), and perhaps a saucy little personal item to add extra sizzle.

Visualize, feel, breathe deeply, lower your shoulders and hold your head high. Invite Aphrodite and Inanna into your sacred space. Keep going. Are you there? Whisper your your prayers, light the candle, and get ready to channel your Kitchen Witch super-powers.

So, first pulse your almonds in a food processor or high-speed blender until it becomes fine and crumbly. Add in the coconut nectar, and the oil, and give it another blast. (Either oil is purrfect, it just depends on your taste preference. If you don't love coconut with your chocolate, then use the avocado oil, it will simply taste buttery.)

Spoon out a heaping tablespoon for each tart pan, and press around with your fingers to get an even layer on the bottom and up the sides. Set them in the fridge while you make the filling.

Ohhh...the filling. Wait for it.

Cream the avocado in a high speed blender until it is very, very smooth. Now add in the rest of the ingredients, blend well, and...you're done. It's that easy. But don't let its simplicity veil you: this is powerful stuff. Avocados are ruled by Venus, and have long been revered for their beauty and love magick. And chocolate, no less. The manifestation of edible elemental fire so key in giving and receiving love.

Go ahead, give it a little lick. *ahem*

Spoon the filling into the tart shells. Arrange the raspberries in a circular pattern, even more of a Venusian love charge for adding the last touch of sparkle, like jewelry, to your spell. And don't forget to give thanks to your cosmic cohorts and fruits of the Earth.

Leave them in the fridge until you're ready to serve and devour. I cannot promise that you won't end up on the floor, writhing in ecstacy...

Oh, you deserve this one...

Savour it.

xxx Alise


Summer's Almost Gone

The organ swirled,


his voice, 

filled with soft melancholy


"Morning found us calmly unaware 

Noon burn gold into our hair 

At night, we swim the laughin' sea 

When summer's gone 

Where will we be..."***

I let go a heaving sigh,

closed my eyes

and let ocean waves

fill my soul,

saddened by the long days ending.

Autumn will come, I whispered aloud,

and it will be Magick.

Let her go. She will return.

Though the promise of Fall always brings excitement, 

a little bit of heartache always floats just beneath the surface,

and I have to remind myself of the wisdom of the Earth.

And once again I make my pact not to fight the seasons,

but to yield...

So, one last luscious Summer delight,

from me

to You,

Once more into the realm

as She of the Tarts

makes a little Queenly magic...

Sublime Lime Tarts

Makes 4 tarts, or one large 9" tart

For the crust:

  • 1 1/4 cup organic walnuts
  • 3/4 cup flax meal
  • 6 large dates, pitted and chopped
  • 1 tbsp avocado oil
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • pinch of salt

First, break up the walnuts with your fingers, and drop them into a food processor or high-speed blender, and grind them to a coarse meal. Add in the flax, then the remaining ingredients, and pulse until well blended.

Taste it. The flax/avocado oil/date combo gives at a brown sugary flavor and texture that is divine. You can easily substitute coconut oil if you like, but it won't have quite the same vibe. And don't fret buying a whole bottle. Avocado oil is wonderous as a for your body as a moisturizer and base for essential blends.

Place your tart pans onto a baking sheet. Now scoop spoonfuls into the tart pans, and press the crust down into each one evenly.

Pop them into the freezer.

For the filling:

  • 1-1/4 C raw cashews, soaked for at least 6 hours
  • 1 small ripe avocado
  • 1/3 cup freshly squeezed lime juice
  • 1/2 C raw coconut nectar
  • 3 packets organic stevia (optional)
  • 15-20 drops lime essential oil
  • pinch of Celtic salt
  • zest of 2 limes, for garnish

Put everything except the lime zest into your food processor or high speed blender. (Wash it out from the crust mixture first!) Pulse it until everything is creamy and kind of thick.

I add in the extra sweetener, and a lot of lime, because I like the taste of this to be really zingy, and you need the sweetness to balance it. 

Now fill the tarts, zest the lime on top, and put the tray into the freezer for at least two hours.

When you're ready to eat them, just let them defrost for about 20 minutes. Add a few lime slices for garnish, and dig in! They are SO delicious! Rocking out with so much flavor and a cool creamy texture, you'll be digging in with both hands, I promise! 

Allergic to nuts? Just substitute the walnuts in the crust for total flaxmeal, and the meat of two young coconuts for the cashews in the filling. C'est manifique!

You can totally pass these off to non-vegans, and they do make a very sexy little treat to share,

should you be so inclined...

Now go out, Lovers, 

and drink up every last bit

of wild Summer!

Dance, swim, whirl...

And next week we will plunge into witchy Autumn


xxx Alise

***"Summer's Almost Gone", The Doors, from Waiting For The Sun

Luna Cucina: Eclipses

My Loves, 

take a deep, luscious breath.


That's it...

I want you to feel centered, grounded and strong, because, as it turns out, beloved April, my birth month, is rumored to be quite the cosmic shitstorm. We have two eclipses coming which are always a trip, but add in a planetary grand cardinal cross, and hell-low rollercoaster!

Rollercoaster #1,   Scott Irvine

Rollercoaster #1, Scott Irvine

Eclipses always fall on a new moon or full moon, and they always come in pairs, two weeks apart. In April, these are some serious moons: challenging, hell yeah, but also ripe with opportunities. The first eclipse, on April 15, will be a full moon, ending or culminating a situation or relationship; and the second eclipse, on April 28, is a new moon, setting up a long-term trend. 

What makes these particular eclipses so freaky is that they each happen during the configuration of a grand cardinal cross.  (A grand cross consists of planets at four equal points of the zodiac, perfectly balanced, all pointing toward the center target: Earth. Each of these planets has massive strength, and no one is budging an inch.)

So, it makes sense then that the cardinal signs of Aries, Libra, Cancer and Capricorn will feel these eclipses the most, however, everyone of every sign will notice the effects to varying degrees, as we all have these cardinal signs popping up somewhere in our charts. (We are complex creatures, after all.)

This cardinal cross, my Doves, will create a rapid, often unexpected change to present conditions, requiring a strong adjustment to situations that are already moving at warp speed. Classically, the mission of an eclipse is to bring what's hidden into the light, and at the same time, clear away anything in your life that's past it's shelf life. Often, we think that the almond milk, say, is still fresh, and can't understand why it's being tossed.  But, you gotta trust in the stars: the cosmos have you covered, even if you can't see it just yet.


now let's get down to business.

We're going to need to call in some reinforcements.

Cacao Love Cakes

  • 2 C raw unsalted cashews
  • 1-1/2 C organic dates
  • 3 Tbsp raw cacao powder (Sacred Chocolate is the best!)
  • 1/4 pure maple syrup
  • 2 droppers liquid vanilla stevia
  • 1 tsp organic cinnamon
  • Raw, organic shredded coconut

Pour the cashews into a food processor or high-speed blender and blast until they're ground. Then add in the chopped dates, cacao, cinnamon, and stevia. Blend it all together until the mixture gets sticky and forms like dough, but keep the dates a little chunky...they're really good that way! Sprinkle a rectangular brownie pan with the coconut just to cover the bottom...maybe 1/2 cup? Now spread the dough onto the pan with your fingers and press it down firmly and evenly. Sprinkle more coconut-as much as you like-on top, and press it down. If you don't love coconut (what?! ) you can use cacao powder or cinnamon instead. You can also omit the maple syrup with no taste worries whatsoever. I just like the depth it adds to the chocolate.

Cover your gorgeous creation with plastic wrap or a cloth napkin, and freeze it for two hours. Now you can slice it into little cakes, remove them with a spatula, and EAT THEM! They keep well in the fridge for about five days, or you can freeze them. YUM! Raw, vegan, super-healthy, rich, crazy-delicious nibbles for whenever, wherever you need a few moments of calm in the storm. Sink your teeth in and smile...

So, as we saunter into this lovely April, so full of birds and new buds, don't get caught up in fear. Fear is a bullshit phantom. Arm yourself instead with Goddess weapons: take excellent care of yourself, be ultra-kind to everyone (remember they're feeling it too, big-time), rest, stay centered. 

And check out your individual forecast for free here. You'll need your natal information handy: Date, time of birth, and city you were born in. Click on the "free horoscopes" link, then take a look at the Forecast by Robert Hand

Another great resource is a show called The Eleventh House with Robert Phoenix. This guy is awesome. You can get a free 10-day trial membership to GaiamTV, click on the episodes for both your Sun and Moon signs, and still have plenty of time to check out a ton of other cool shows the network offers.

I love you all so much!

We can navigate these waters. 

We've done this before. 

xxx Alise